jokes

[Rach J Young]

Can anybody help me!!!???

I am not feeling my usual happy self at the moment because I have my mock exams from the 27th Nov for 2 weeks, so i am stressed and need a good laugh :evil: . Anybody got any good jokes??? :wink:

Please... nothing too coarse or vulgar ( send those to me by pm :lol: )

[alexadams1]

How does a gorilla have safe sex?

By using a kongdom.

[tracey steele]

what do you get if you cross a sheep with a piece of string.

tampax :lol: :lol: :lol:

[Barson]

A girl walks into a pub and asks the barman for a double entendre,


so he gave her one.




--------------

sorry was that too coarse?

[Guinney1971]

ok, bit of a long one,

a donkey and a chicken are out in a field, when the donkey falls down a hole. The chicken races over and jumps into the farmer's BMW, ties a rope to the front and then goes and pulls the donkey out of the hole.

Next week, they are out in the field again, and this time the chicken falls down the hole. The chicken tells the donkey to go and get the BMW, but instead the donkey walks over to the hole and lowers his c*ck. The chicken gets hold of it and climbs out.

The moral of the story?

When you are hung like a donkey, you dont need a BMW to pull a chick :lol:

(joke courtesy of my mate Andy in Stevenage)

Claire

[alexadams1]

What did the plug say to the socket?

Socket to me baby!!!

[Birksie]

This baby seal walks into a club....

!!!!!!!!

[bozzzydmc]

Dear Technical Support,

18 months ago, I upgraded to Girlfriend 1.0 from DrinkingMates 4.2, which I had used for a number of years without any trouble. however, there are apparently conflicts between these two products and the only solution was to try and run Girlfriend 1.0 with the sound turned off. To make matters worse, Girlfriend 1.0 is incompatible with several other applications, such as Lads NightOut 3.1, Football 4.5 and Playboy 6.9. Successive versions of Girlfriend proved no better.

I tried a shareware program, Slapper 2.1, but it had many bugs and left a virus in my system , forcing me to shut down for several weeks. Eventually, I tried to run Girlfriend 1.2 and Girlfriend 1.0 at the same time, only to discover that when these two systems detected each other they caused severe damage to my hardware.

I eventually upgraded to Fiancee 1.0, only to discover that this product soon had to be further upgraded to Wife 1.0. While Wife 1.0 tends to use up all my available resources, it does come bundled with Free xes plus and Cleanhouse 2003. Shortly after this upgrade, however, I found that Wife 1.0 could be very unstable and costly to run. Any mistakes I made were automatically stored in Wife 1.0's memory and couldn't be deleted. They then resurfaced months later when I had forgotten about them. Wife 1.0 also has an Automatic Diary, Explorer and E-mail filter, and can, without warning, launch TurboStrop and Whinge. These latter products have no Help Files, and I have to try to guess what the problem is.

Additional problems are that Wife 1.0 needs updating regularly, requiring ShoeShop Browser for new attachments and Hairstyle Express which needs to be reinstalled every other week. Also, when Wife 1.0 attaches itself to my Audi TT hard drive, it often crashes.

Wife 1.0 also comes with an irritating pop-up called MotherInLaw, which cannot be turned off. Recently I've been tempted to install Mistress 2004, but there could be problems. A friend of mine has alerted me to the fact that if Wife 1.0 detects Mistress 2004, it tends to delete all of your money before un-installing itself.

Please help.